Thursday, July 23, 2009

Summer Thoughts and my philosophy in life. . .

Wow, I'm amazed that it's been almost a whole month and I barely posted anything here. Almost a month left before college starts!!

Lately, I've been delving through, trying to discover what my philosophy in life should be. I might as well sort of be honest about myself here, as Midori was in Norwegian Wood (by Haruki Murakami) when she was vivaciously open about her love for sex. I'm not sure how far I'll ramble here, but at least my thoughts are out.

This summer has been a really wild and quiet summer of some sorts. Wild, because I've been meeting lots of new people, and trying lots of new things beyond my comfort zone that I hadn't done before in high school. Quiet, because I spend lots of the days in the house reading, drawing, thinking about how college (or wanting college to come closer!!) should be, listening to music, reviewing Calculus (!!) before Math 1b starts.

Part of me wants to change the world, but part of me realizes that I would be sacrificing part of my life to do so. I have to discover where that balance lies; so far, it's in terms of changing the world through changing the community while having fun with it. I want that wild side of life to remain!

Simultaneously, I can't wait for college. This is so embarrassing: I find myself humming "Hail to California!" everyday, because I want to just release my thoughts and interests out to the bigger world which will come out at Cal.

But, I can't release them right now. Since I'm at home a lot, I don't really get a chance to release my thoughts out. Sure, I can release them to my parents and my brother, but I'm the only one who's really passionate about my thoughts. I want to talk politics, Asian-American activism, history, Asian architecture, stories of the TWLF in the 1960s-1970s, architectural engineering, my philosophy in life.. etc.

This is where I feel alone sometimes in the midst of my quiet days. Even while I'm in the middle of reading, drawing, or reviewing Calculus, or whatever I'm doing, all these thoughts I just mentioned are all stuck in my mind. I'm actively thinking about them 24/7, even when I'm trying to sleep. I should mention that it takes me a whole hour after I fall in bed to go to deep sleep because I'm always thinking; this cycle has been going on all throughout my four years in high school.

Sure, you may be saying: why are you always thinking and having no action about action? I do want action; action takes teamwork, and you have to find a group of people to be willing to listen to your ideas. I haven't found that yet. If I don't have the opportunity to express those ideas out, what's the point of action?

Throughout my high school life, these ideas are what I always wanted to convey. However, the people I communicated with and environment around me did not facilitate the political thoughts that were always dancing in my mind, simply because they weren't interested. I had to be open minded to their ideas (and I did accept them). Now, it's my turn to release it out, because it hurts to keep them inside.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I do get positive emails/comments about my YouTube channel from fans of Asian culture or Asian architecture. I know I've been on a hiatus on my video series; it's so difficult to do everything by myself that I had to stop, because I had been really tired and needed some sleep (and more outside help!). Those emails and comments are really encouraging because they show me that there is an audience outside that is interested in preserving Asian Architecture and the wonderful culture of Asia itself. I barely had sort of that kind of audience in my high school and in my friends I'm around.

Without those emails/comments, I probably would not continue, and just give up on my dream; preserving Asian architecture is like my biggest dream in me right now, because I want to know about my culture. I want to tell future generations of Asian-Americans, that your roots are important, and you should not let the media-generated stereotype of an "Asian nerd engineer, or martial artist" (being an engineer rocks, btw. But, don't let that technical side limit you!) limit your horizons on what direction one should go in painting Asian/Asian-American culture in the American fabric.

I always had a few comments at my high school (just a few! I get more comments from outside my school, ironically) saying my videos are educational, interesting, and informative, but no willingness or question from others in my school saying: "May I help?" Yes, you may be interested in my videos, but there's a difference between being interested and being passionate. Passionate involves deep action. I wish I can find, meet, and inspire people to be passionate about what lurks in my mind as I am.

In conclusion, part of me has discovered my philosophy in life: to change the world while having fun through preserving the cultural architecture Asia has to offer. Part of me wants to meet people who are as passionate as I am about this so I can release my thoughts so painfully stuck in my heart.

I think I'm inspired to re-continue an Asian architecture video I haven't finished for over a month. For those who are interested (or should I say, passionate), will you join me in the most radical dream ever?

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